Gentle Touch
by ChiharuSato22
Summary: Love blossoms in the most unlikely of places between the most unlikely of people. / Kasuka/Izaya. BL drabbles.
1. 01: Everyday and Commonplace

**01: Everyday and Commonplace**

Izaya sits with his beloved laptop on his lap, typing into the website's conversation window. He is so intrigued by his current discussion that he misses the sound of Kasuka finishing his shower and stepping out of the bathroom. In fact, he doesn't notice until Kasuka has wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"What are you up to?" Kasuka asks, his tone flat - but Izaya can pick up the fine undertones of suggestiveness. Clearly, Kasuka wants something.

"Nothing," Izaya says, closing his laptop after having typed a final good night message. "The real question is," he starts, setting his laptop on the coffee table before twisting around to face Kasuka, "what are _you_ doing?"

There's mirth in Kasuka's eyes that doesn't show on his face. "I'll leave that up for you to figure out, Izaya-san." There's a low rumble in his throat that is making Izaya want to stop teasing and just get on with it but, _no_, he needs to get used to savouring these moments with Kasuka because they are few and hard to come by.

Giving in a little bit can't hurt though. Izaya laughs a little, closing his eyes as he presses his forehead up against Kasuka's. "What do you _want_ to be doing?"

"You," Kasuka says bluntly; with him, there has never been a need for preamble. And Izaya breaks out into a full fit of giggles.

"I think I can go with that." Izaya says quietly, smiling; genuine smiles by Izaya are just as hard to come by, Kasuka thinks.

Kasuka kisses him softly on his lips. Izaya is more than compliant. They press onward and the chaste kisses are no more. Kasuka's tongue is probing Izaya's mouth, his hands slipping under his black shirt; Izaya's arms are looped around Kasuka's neck, pulling him downwards. He figures that they don't need to do it in the bedroom right now because he really doesn't want to move; the couch will suffice.

Kasuka is the one who breaks apart to murmur a soft, "I love you."

Izaya only nods, tugging at the waistband of his pants to encourage him further.

But they are interrupted by a more-than-rude knocking; it is both incessant and unecessary. He had wanted this night to belong only to Kasuka and himself.

Izaya sighs as he moves out from under Kasuka. If Kasuka is disappointed, it doesn't show. "Who is it?" Izaya calls out, trying his best to hide his annoyance.

"It's me, you asshole."

It's Namie.

Izaya lets out a loud sigh. Fuck, he _hates_ interruptions - especially interruptions to something as important as this.

He casts Kasuka an apologetic look, but Kasuka simply shakes his head as if to say "don't worry about it" and heads towards Izaya's bedroom. After all, no one needs to know that they are involved - especially in _this_ way.

Izaya puts his shirt back on and does his pants back up, trying his best not to look too debauched before opening the door for her.

"I figured I'd hand your file to you tonight so I wouldn't have to show up tomorrow," Namie says, scowling. "I didn't want to have to show up on a Saturday. I see enough of you as it is." Izaya barely contains a bitter retort, finding it more towards his advantage if he lets this one slide – only this once, never again, mind you – so that he can spend time with Kasuka.

Izaya all but snatches the folder from her hands and shuts the door in her face. He doesn't even bother to say good night or make a smart remark before returning to the task at hand, simply tossing his precious file onto the coffee table alongside his laptop.

"Where were we?" Izaya asks, grinning slyly.

"Here," Kasuka whispers, pulling Izaya towards him. He receives no resistance; Izaya wants this, all but melting into Kasuka's gentle caresses.

"I wish we could be like this forever," Izaya says breathlessly into Kasuka's hair as he moves down, biting and nipping at his neck. Kasuka doesn't apologize but the slight pause tells Izaya that he was about to. Izaya smiles, cupping Kasuka's cheek in his hand as he brings them face to face again. No words are exchanged and they simply kiss; no words need to be exchanged.

The slowwarm_perfect_ pace they're going at is just enough to drive Izaya crazy but not enough to drive him over the edge. He loves this. He can't hold in a moan of appreciation as Kasuka touches him just _there_ and in _just_ the right way; it makes him wonder, if only for a moment, how he came about acquiring such a wonderful lover.

Before Izaya can think further, they're kissing again and _this_, he thinks, is where he'd like to be.

But, by tomorrow morning, they'll be caught in the chaos of their own, personally-crafted worlds again.

Tomorrow morning can wait until then. Right now, Izaya wants to entertain the notion that he could very well be in love.

* * *

_I'll continue depending on what kind of response I get, I suppose. hahaha_


	2. 02: Silent Confessions

**02: Silent Confessions**

"I love you." The words are so out of place and yet so _in_ place that they catch Izaya off guard.

More simply put, he has no way of reacting to them. So he doesn't; he simply sits there, frozen.

"I really do," the young boy continues – well, young only in comparison to Izaya. It's that same youth that makes Izaya question whether or not he can believe those words to be true.

He makes a noise of affirmation – but he's only confirming the fact that he has heard him, nothing more.

The boy, Kasuka, is a smart boy though and can tell immediately. His brows furrow slightly – maybe a fraction of a millimetre or two – and it becomes clear to Izaya that he doesn't like this. But Kasuka isn't used to speaking – conversing, really – as himself and he doesn't know to assure Izaya. He, instead, simply repeats his previous statement, words rearranged. "I really _do_ love you, Izaya-san."

Somehow, Izaya still finds himself wordless.

The silence simply sits there – like Izaya – frozen in time and disbelief.

Kasuka was definitely more intelligent than Izaya gave him credit for – and that was saying something – and simply changed the subject. "Izaya-san, tell me something," Kasuka started, "Please be completely honest with me. I... want to know what you're most afraid of."

Well, Izaya never said that he liked the change of topic.

Izaya grunts disapprovingly. This isn't something he likes to talk about. On top of that, Kasuka asked him to be completely honest with him and, if he is not honest to himself, he isn't sure he can do that.

It is at this point that Izaya decides that it would be best to simply return to typing on his laptop. He looks to the computer screen only to see that, to his dismay, Tanaka Tarou has already left the chatroom; he _has_ to focus on Kasuka now.

After spending a moment debating in his head whether or not he should pretend he is still talking to someone or to simply face Kasuka, he decides on the latter – to his own surprise.

"Kasuka-kun," he starts, trying not to sigh to exasperatedly, "I do not wish to talk about this." But his eyes, as they stare directly into Kasuka's, tell an entirely different story and, some part of him, at least, he counts on Kasuka's ability to understand the human mind – so profound that simply trying to figure out how Kasuka came to be that way daunts Izaya – coupled with his ability to act, will help him understand.

And Kasuka can read the ruby red hues of Izaya's eyes. "I'm hurting," they say, "and I'm lonely. I'm a coward, I know, but I will never admit that. I'm dishonest and cannot trust anyone. The world hates me and I can expect nothing less. I want to change but know I cannot. Right now, what I'm most afraid of is trying to comprehend how you could possibly love me – someone like _me_."

A small smile seems to tug at the corners of Kasuka's lips and Izaya notices immediately because it's so _different_ from the usual deadpan mask he is presented with.

Kasuka has come to the conclusion that he does not need fancy words or presents when it comes to Izaya. The words tumble out of his mouth because, he realizes, they are the most natural things to him at this moment; "I love you."

Izaya's heart stops momentarily and he can only nod now; it is acceptance.

Kasuka's smile can only grow from this point.

* * *

_I would like to point out right now that this is not written in chronological order. And, yes, I'm trying to make it so that they can all be read separately. _


	3. 03: Smooth

**03: Smooth**

Kasuka really does mind the fame sometimes. It means less time to spend with the most important person in his life – Orihara Izaya. But he can't _possibly_ disappoint his fans. That is exactly what he is thinking as he signs autographs and poses for photos with an innumerable amount of girls crowded in the lobby of his hotel. He briefly apologizes mentally to all of the other patrons of the hotel who have to deal with a thousand or so screaming girls. It doesn't help that he's itching to find Izaya. The temptation is overwhelming; he is in Shinjuku, where Izaya's office is, and yet he can't go seek out Izaya yet.

Suddenly, he feels a vibrating in his pocket; it's his cell phone. He's eager for any distraction at the moment and sidesteps the crowd, waiting for his bodyguards to take control, as he checks his phone. It's a text message; short and to the point.

"_Waiting in your room, Yuuhei-kun~~_"

It's Izaya, of course. Kasuka doesn't even need to wonder how Izaya got a hold of the his room number, much less how he entered it before Kasuka himself could. After all, this is _Orihara Izaya_; there really is no need to wonder.

Okay, maybe his fans _could_ live with a little bit of disappointment.

He walks up to his bodyguards to tell them that he's done for the day, strolling away towards the elevator before they can even ask why.

The elevator is taking too long to come and, as he gets in, too long to rise to the sixth floor. He doesn't quite know why, but he's all nerves and shaking hands right now as he listens to the elevator music. It's been almost a month – three weeks and four days, to be exact... not that he's counting – since he's last seen Izay and he spends his time in the elevator thinking of how Izaya may have changed.

He chides himself mentally because, he knows for a fact, Izaya never changes. And he likes it that way. Because, truthfully, Kasuka can't think of a way Izaya could be more perfect; to Kasuka, Izaya's flaws are only a part of his perfection. It's all subjective after all, right?

As he opens the door, he sees Izaya's sleeping form on his bed. Well, this is strange. Kasuka is amused because he feels slightly guilty for finding Izaya adorable.

Deciding that it is better not to wake him because, if Izaya has fallen asleep so easily – so off guard and carefree – he must have had an exhausting day.

Kasuka sits at the edge of the bed, brushing a lock of hair from Izaya's face as he leans down to place a kiss on his cheek— Then it's his turn to be surprised. Izaya's eyes open just then and Kasuka is faced with childishly delighted red pupils.

"Got you," Izaya says gleefully, sitting up just as Kasuka moves away to avoid being accidentally hit or knocked over.

Kasuka doesn't make a move to comment so Izaya takes that as an invitation to start a conversation; though Izaya would never admit it, he really does like to hear Kasuka's voice. "How have you been?" he asks. Izaya finds it strange that only with Kasuka does he have no hidden motives. Perhaps it's because he knows that Kasuka would probably see through most – if not all – of them. They both work in deceptive lines of work; it's only natural. But that's just another thing he appreciates about Kasuka; he doesn't have to say anything for him to understand.

"Fine," Kasuka replies. Izaya knows he doesn't like to talk; rather, that Kasuka likes to _listen_. Izaya lets himself ramble.

"Well, I had the most horrid day. I've been dealing with a certain group for about three months now and they couldn't keep up their payments. It really was such a shame that I had to leak their information to the enemy group." Izaya lets out an exasperated sigh that is only slightly over exaggerated. "It's terrible, you know?" But Izaya already knows that Kasuka understands his line of work, whether he likes it or not is an entirely separate question. "Oh! But something considerably cheerful happened today." The sing-song quality to Izaya's voice already gives him away. "I had a run-in with Shizu-chan in Ikebukuro when I went to pick up a package. Our parkour escapade was _most_ enjoyable." Izaya knows that Kasuka hates it when Izaya provokes Shizuo but... part of Izaya stubbornly believes that it's good for Shizuo to take out some of his anger out this way. After all, it could be a _lot_ worse if he held it in and then suddenly released _all_ of that bottled up rage in one sudden burst. Of course, this consideration was only for Kasuka because Izaya didn't like Shizuo's apparent brainlessness.

Kasuka only nods along. For once, he finds himself happy to hear of Shizuo from Izaya. He hasn't seen Izaya in what seems to have been quite a while, but he hasn't seen his brother in an even longer time. "Is that so?" Kasuka asks which causes Izaya to pause mid-sentence. Kasuka doesn't normally remark on anything that Izaya says – particularly regarding how he spends his time.

"Yes," Izaya says, stumbling slightly with his words. "He was throwing vending machines and everything. Shizu-chan really is quite a sight when he's angry."

"You should see him when he's calm," Kasuka says. Izaya doesn't miss the slight curve of his lips that is the only indication of a wry smile.

Izaya knows that there's nothing to argue about in regards to Shizuo. Izaya simply doesn't like him and that really is all there is to it. They both know that his opinion of Shizuo is biased – but as is Kasuka's because he loves Shizuo. More simply put, Shizuo is simply a topic they do not discuss – probably one of many.

The transition from topic to topic is barely noticed by either of them because it is so smooth. This is probably due to the fact that Izaya is doing most of the talking but that really doesn't matter because, and Kasuka will admit to this, he loves the sound of Izaya's voice – particularly his laughter.

Before Kasuka knows what he's asking, words come out of his mouth. It seems that Izaya has this effect on him. He has long ago come to terms with this though. "Would you like to have dinner with me?"

Izaya's face is blank for a moment before splitting into a grin. Kasuka releases his breath he didn't know that he was holding right then. "Of course I would."

Kasuka doesn't know quite what to say because "thank you" just doesn't feel right. But, of course, Izaya knows; he already knows that nothing needs to be said so he pulls Kasuka towards him, coaxing him into a slow kiss. It's more than nice.

Now Kasuka is left to contemplate how they can have dinner together with anyone recognizing either of them. But, he supposes, he'll just have to find a way to deal with that dilemma.

* * *

_Man, these things just keep getting shorter and shorter. OTL;; I'm trying my best to make them longer asodijgaoweg_


	4. 04: What Could Be

**04: What Could Be**

"Sometimes, I wish we could be married." Kasuka's honesty is almost beyond Izaya's comprehension – _almost_.

"Think of the publicity," Izaya says, decidedly not saying whether or not it would be good or bad. "Hanejima Yuuhei-kun, gay and married." He also distinctly left out the fact that it wasn't quite legal. Then again, laws regarding gay marriage were being thrown around and about and were never quite staying the same so, who was to say that it would be?

"Orihara Izaya, gay and married," Kasuka counters. It is a debate of which sounds more ridiculous. In the end, Izaya being gay and married seems to win out.

Izaya is laughing and can barely concentrate on his work. "I don't think I'd be able to keep my business up," he says, "Orihara Izaya, the gay information broker."

"Gay and married," Kasuka corrects, humour present in his brown eyes.

There's a brief pause as they both try to picture their wedding. Izaya's obnoxious laughter is what breaks the quiet.

"I'm sure you're aware how my sisters would react," Izaya manages to get out, clutching his sides because laughing this hard hurts. "I think they'd be torn between incredibly excited and borderline homicidal towards me."

"A bit of both," Kasuka says, trying to imagine what that would be like. He has only seen Izaya's siblings in photos and heard of them from Izaya so he isn't exactly sure how they'd act. He's sure it would be hysterical though.

"Probably more homicidal," Izaya states matter-of-factly.

Kasuka is thinking of this more deeply now though and, since he has succeeded already in distracting Izaya from his work, he thinks that a little more distraction wouldn't really make a difference. "But think of all the good things," Kasuka murmurs, standing up and walking over to Izaya's side. He kisses Izaya softly, pulling away only to add to his previous mention of all the good things. "We could do this in public," he says.

They kiss again and, this time, Izaya is the one who pulls away first. "But we're not in public, _Yuuhei-kun_," he whispers against Kasuka's lips.

That doesn't stop them from continuing anyway.

The silly idea isn't quite discarded though and is later discussed again because it really _is_ quite amusing; this time though, they're talking about children.

* * *

_This one is probably my favourite. Yes, there are _plenty_ more short ones. _

_Here, have some foreshadowing for the four-multiplied-by-two chapter – no, _segment_... Did you know that 108 roses means "please marry me"? _


	5. 05: It's Not About Winning

**05: It's Not About Winning**

Sometimes, Izaya wonders how much Kasuka really knows about him; the notion that he may only be pretending to oblivious has crossed his mind more than once. Kasuka is one of the few people he would say could possibly be on par with him and yet... Kasuka is difference. It's like the knowledge hasn't corrupted him.

But that is far from the reason of his wondering today. It's not the first time Kasuka has said something that has caught Izaya off guard and found him unable to answer but, this time, he feels that it's for an entirely separate reason.

"You're in love with Shizuo, aren't you, Izaya-san?"

A full minute passes and Izaya still hasn't replied yet. Somehow, he feels like he can't meet Kasuka's steady gaze – most likely because there is no spite in it even though there should be.

"It's okay, you know?"

It's so strange that Kasuka should be the one talking while Izaya is the one silent; it is like a complete reversal. But that mild amusement isn't enough to stop Izaya from thinking that, no, it's not okay. He doesn't say this though.

Kasuka takes one of his hands into his own and Izaya can't stop from suddenly looking up – right into Kasuka's eyes.

"I don't mind being in second place."

And Izaya is in shock; so shocked that he doesn't notice that he's crying until Kasuka is kissing the tears away.

It daunts him that Kasuka can so easily and completely accept this. What Izaya has done to deserve this – someone so different and beyond the humans he regularly observes – he doesn't know; he doesn't think he ever will.

That is also the day that Izaya swears to find a way to put Kasuka first because it's the least that he can do to make up for his transgressions against this wonderful, darling boy.

* * *

_Don't kill me! I can't help putting in a little Shizuo/Izaya (or, in this case, one-sided Izaya-liking-Shizuo) since I ship them. But, don't worry, this story is entirely Kasuka/Izaya. Besides, what is a story without a little conflict?_


	6. 06: Like Burning

**06: Like Burning**

The colour that suits Izaya the most is red; Kasuka is sure anyone would agree with this.

Red is the colour of Izaya's shirt when they'd first met; Kasuka had gone to Raijin to pick up his brother.

Red is the colour of Izaya's eyes; Kasuka swears that he has never seen anything quite so complex yet magnificent.

Red suits him so finely – but that doesn't mean that Kasuka likes to see Izaya bleed.

"I'm fine," Izaya says, laughing because he feels that Kasuka is overreacting. But Kasuka will have none of it and takes Izaya's cut finger into his mouth.

"Kasuka-kun!" Izaya tries hard to hide his stutter but that doesn't mean that Kasuka hasn't caught it. "I think a band-aid would be much more effective for a papercut!" At this point, Izaya's face is flushed a lovely crimson red.

Yes, Kasuka thinks, this red definitely suits him much, much better.

* * *

_Here, have some songs I listen to while writing this:_

Hands Clean_ - Alanis Morisette_

Ironic_ - Alanis Morisette (Please don't argue that the examples she sings aren't ironic at all, rather than unfortunate; the genius of the song is that nothing in it is ironic. Think of it as teaching by setting a bad example.)_

Wherever You Will Go_ - The Calling_

Simple and Clean_ - Utada Hikaru (Live, acoustic ver.: _youtube**(dot)**com/watch?v=VOttZ-hel-U_)_

_If you listen closely to the lyrics, you may be able to pick out the bits of the lyrics that seem to have... almost influenced parts of this fic, I suppose? Although... my mental image may be much different from yours hahaha_

_Enjoy~?_

_Oh, and, yes, this is the shortest one. I promise that all the others _–_ so far _–_ are longer._


	7. 07: Preparing for Battle

**07: Preparing for Battle**

"Meet Shizuo?" Izaya decides that pretending not to understand might help stall him some time to think. "I've already met, Shizu-chan. I don't know what you're talking about, Kasuka-kun." He turns away indignantly. Clearly, he doesn't like where this conversation is heading.

"I know you're not keen on telling him about us, but..."

"I'm not keen on telling him about us, Kasuka-kun? Just that? No, you've got it wrong. He'll kill me if he finds out. And it'll be in the name of 'your safety'."

"I don't think Shizuo would do that." Izaya really hates how nonplussed Kasuka looks.

"Would he?" Izaya laughs – but there is no amusement behind it. "Kasuka-kun, you're not the only one who wants to come clean about this... this thing we have but—"

"Relationship," Kasuka murmurs quietly and Izaya almost feels the need to apologize for his poor choice of words but he's far too stressed out right now to correct himself.

Instead, Izaya simply sighs; Kasuka takes it as a sign of giving in. "Does Shizuo have to be the first person who finds out?"

Kasuka runs his fingers over Izaya's hand, closing his eyes. "He's the only person I can think of who would need to know," he replies without even the slightest bit of hesitation.

Izaya wants to tell Kasuka that, yes, they will talk to Shizuo but something stops him and he finds himself unable to continue.

They sit like this, motionless and silent, for several minutes, Izaya looking anywhere and everywhere – except at Kasuka.

"We don't have to tell him right away, Izaya-san," Kasuka says, "I just wanted to secure the fact that you will... one day."

Relieved beyond words, Izaya's shoulders relax and he breathes a sigh of relief. "You just really love scaring me, don't you, Kaskua-kun?" Izaya asks, exhaling a breathless half-chuckle.

"A little bit," Kasuka answers, lacing his fingers with Izaya's. He pulls Izaya into a kiss, his free hand resting on Izaya's cheek as his thumb moves in caressing circles. "I promise I'll wait until you're ready," Kasuka whispers into his ear; Izaya knows that he means to say "whenever you have confidence in our relationship".

"What if that's never, Kasuka-kun?" Izaya muses, toying with Kasuka's hair between his fingers.

"I can wait forever."

They both know that Izaya, stubborn as he is, will come around one day. It's just a matter of waiting. Because Izaya always comes around – Kasuka knows.

* * *

_This one is just... this one. I'm sorry if this is confusing but I'm not writing this in chronological order so... I can't really help that. So sorry. OTL;;_

_On the bright side, number eight is coming up! It's one of the ones I really like. Domestic!Kasuzaya makes me happy. If it isn't already obvious..._

_I didn't notice until now that the italics from the story aren't showing up on FF so... well, if you are reading this fic on DRRR!KINK (LJ) or dA, then you should be fine..._


	8. 08: Hidden Meanings

**08: Hidden Meanings**

"I don't need them." Kasuka doesn't believe a word Izaya says because his face is completely red with embarrassment. "I'm not a girl, Kasuka-kun."

"Take them," Kasuka says, "I got them for you with you in mind."

"You were thinking of me as a girl?" Izaya can't resist teasing because it's in his nature.

"No, I just thought you'd appreciate the sophistication of roses." Kasuka appears nonchalant – but he appears nonchalant about everything; Izaya knows better.

"Eleven roses?" he asks Kasuka, impressed. "Not ten?"

"I would have gotten twenty-one." Evidently, Kasuka is in the mood for banter.

"Red roses," Izaya comments, smelling the roses. "What a lovely colour choice..."

"See? You do like them." Kasuka kisses Izaya's temple. "Maybe I should bring you a lavender rose every time we meet..." Simply thinking about this is amusing for the both of them.

Izaya can't help laughing. "I never knew you were such a romanticist, Kasuka-kun. It's a shame your fans don't know."

"This side of me..." Kasuka drawls, trying to find the right words. "It's reserved solely for you." Somehow, he always manages to find a way to make Izaya feel special because it's almost as if everything he does has a meaning – each action different and especially meant to convey something.

But Izaya has always been a fan of conversation and can't help but continue. "So you'll bring me a lavender rose every time we meet?" he questions coyly, walking towards the kitchen to fill a vase with water for these roses.

Kasuka nods, embracing Izaya from behind. Izaya can feel his breath tickling the crook of his neck.

"I'll be looking forward to that then," Izaya says quietly, trying his hardest to suppress his smile.

They kiss.

* * *

11_ – You are the love of my life._

10_ – You are perfect._

21_ – Devotion._

1_ – Love at first sight._

Red_ – I love you._

Lavendar_ – Love at first sight._

_Read this and understand the bad jokes that I make. Yes, only Kasuka, ever the gentleman, and Izaya would be smart enough to know all of this. (I used Google.)_

_Yes, I do loves this part.  
_


	9. 09: Whispers in the Night

**09: Whispers in the Night**

Kasuka is aware of Izaya's bad sleeping habits – after all, he has spent more than one night in his bed (probably more nights than he can count). Not only does he have the tendency to toss and turn and – occasionally – gnaw his teeth, Izaya... well, suffice to say, he has kicked Kasuka in his sleep more than once.

None of this stops Kasuka from spending the night in Izaya's bed though, because, regardless of these nasty habits, Izaya is the type that doesn't half-sleep; it's amazing how he completely surrenders himself and lets sleep overtake him as soon as he settles into bed.

Kasuka wants to think that part of the reason Izaya can be so relaxed and unafraid is because Kasuka is there. It is moments like right now that Kasuka feels sincerely trusted by Izaya.

He watches with a mixture of amusement and fascination as Izaya tosses and turns in the bed sheets, wrapping himself so completely in them that Kasuka wonders how he will free himself when he wakes up. Kasuka watches with eyes filled with unabashed wonder as Izaya pulls his legs up to his chest, curling up into a fetal position.

It is then that Izaya begins to kick and struggle with the blanket; Kasuka is snapped out of his silent reverie.

As quietly as he can, Kasuka attempts to sooth Izaya; he murmurs sweet nothings while running his fingers through Izaya's hair and it seems to be quite effective because Izaya has stopped writhing in his sleep. Consequentially, Izaya has shifted into a position that is not exactly the most comfortable for Kasuka.

But Kasuka can't find it in himself to wake Izaya. So, instead, he sits for a good thirty minutes with Izaya fast asleep in his lap, sheets distorted and coiled around him so intensely so that he can hardly tell where one ends and the other begins. The atmosphere is nice and surprisingly calm – but Kasuka can swear that his legs are falling asleep.

Kasuka decides that it is necessary to wake Izaya now. Reluctantly, he starts to nudge Izaya awake.

He hears Izaya mutter something incoherent before his eyelids slowly open. "Morning already?" His hair is mussed and he has the general air of being only half awake.

"My legs are numb," Kasuka says, gesturing to his thighs which Izaya has conveniently used as a substitute pillow for just a little under half an hour.

"Sorry," Izaya mumbles, shifting away. "Can't help it... they're soft." Kasuka only barely catches the last bit of his sentence. Well, there's a thought worth musing over and he can't help but toss it back and forth in his head.

"I'm not a girl," he says in response, his voice hushed. Izaya has already fallen asleep again though and hasn't heard him.

Kasuka mentally notes to make sure to torment Izaya about what he said tomorrow morning. It's just a little revenge for falling asleep on him; a little revenge has never hurt anyone, right?

* * *

_Kudos to my hubbie (rinji roketsuto) for helping me edit this~ I love you so much, darling~~ _

_Yes, I totally support Seme!Kasuka, regardless of his "soft thighs". _


	10. 10: I Alone

**10: I Alone**

It's not surprising that Kasuka spends virtually no time in his apartment because his work keeps him away and busy. For once though, he finds himself "home". He had been beyond surprised when he had received the message from his manager that he had two weeks off.

His immediate inclination had been to visit Shizuo – and he had. Kasuka had spent the first week with his brother after having been separated for so long. It came as no surprise when he had heard of the change in occupation; he was no longer a bartender. That didn't mean that he was unemployed though. His brother was now working as a bodyguard and, somehow, Kasuka found that that fit him much better.

That left one more week. There was one person he was dead set on spending the week with and it seemed that they would definitely get their week together. How... well, that is an entirely separate matter.

"You brought a cat?" Kasuka reiterates in disbelief despite the fact that he could see the furry creature residing in Izaya's arms.

"I figured you'd like one." Izaya's smile is only a little less spiteful than he thinks it ought to be. "You like cats, don't you?"

Kasuka nodded dumbly. On one hand, yes, he _did_ like cats, on the other... Well, he had difficulty finding time to spend with his brother and Izaya, nonetheless finding the time to... take care of a _cat_.

"You do realize that—"

"That you'll take perfect care of him?" Izaya asks, substituting what Kasuka would have said with his own version. "Of course."

Kasuka doesn't sigh but Izaya can tell that he's given in. Just like how Kasuka can see the edge of Izaya's eyes crinkle in glee.

Instead of continuing the pointless argument because – Kasuka knows this to be a fact – there is no way he can say no to Izaya, he simply asks, "Does he have a name?"

"Not yet," Izaya replies, placing the cat in Kasuka's arms. "I was hoping you'd name him for me."

The corners of Kasuka's lips twitch slightly. "Well, he has quite the appearance." He pets the cat's soft fur, listening to it purr in appreciation. "I say he takes after his mother." Kasuka feels like he has the right to take a jab at Izaya right about now.

"_Tenjou tenga yuiga dokuson,_" Kasuka says, closing his eyes. "That will be his name."

Izaya laughs because he knows that only Kasuka would give a cat such a name. "Let's shorten it a little bit."

"Yuigadokusonmaru," Kasuka suggests instead.

"That's perfect." Izaya clearly approves because he's leaning in for a kiss.

Kasuka wants to play coy though – if only to spite Izaya a little – and moves away to set the cat down on his couch, effectively dodging Izaya's lips.

As soon as Kasuka turns around, he can see the pout on Izaya's lips; that needs to be taken care of immediately. Kasuka takes the best course of action and kisses the pout away.

"Let's make my apartment feel a little more like home."

"Let's start with the bedroom," Izaya murmurs against Kasuka's lips. "Since it seems your new cat has already settled in on the couch."

And Kasuka agrees that his bedroom is a good place to start. But it doesn't really matter where they go right now, does it? After all, they have the whole week to mess up the rest of his apartment.

* * *

_"_Tenjou tenga yuiga dokuson_." – In reference to Buddha's birth; according to legend, the infant Buddha took seven steps forward and, with his right hand, pointed to the heavens and, with his left hand, pointed to the earth and said, "_I alone am honoured in heaven and on earth_.__" _  
_  
Therefore, "_Yuigadokusonmaru_"; the "_maru_" is added because "_maru_" is a common suffix for male Japanese names (kind of like how people tag "_ko_" onto the end of names to make them "_female_")._  
_  
This one is... full of fluff. OTL;;_


	11. 11: Ribbons and Lace

**11: Ribbons and Lace**

Kasuka can't think of a single case in which he has resented Izaya's laughter – _until now._

Izaya's face is flushed red and there are tears coming out of his eyes as he clutches his sides in laughter. "This—" More laughing. "What was that you were saying, _Ayako-chan?_" Izaya really cannot contain his laughter at this point and has very nearly fallen off of Kasuka's couch.

"I can't help what role the directors assign me," Kasuka mutters, all but glaring at Izaya.

"Of course not," Izaya manages to get out between wild cackles. "It's just too much," he says, wiping a tear from his eyes as he finally manages to compose himself somewhat – of course, he's still chuckling a little bit. "So you're telling me that you didn't get the lead _male_ part... but the lead _female_ part?"

Kasuka frowns.

"Okay, okay," Izaya raises his hands up in defense, "I won't poke fun at you." But his sly grin tells Kasuka otherwise. "I'm sure you'll do fine, Kasuka-kun."

Kasuka braces himself for Izaya to say something crude – possibly distasteful – as he gets up, taking several steps forward.

"After all," Izaya starts, dragging his words on a little longer than they need to be as he rests his arms on Kasuka's shoulders, "You've had _plenty_ of experience seducing another man."

Oh. Of course.

Kasuka briefly chides himself – mentally, mind you – for not having anticipated that line. "Not nearly enough experience, I think, Izaya-san," Kasuka says; his mock innocence doesn't faze Izaya. "Won't you help me practice?"

Izaya smirks. "Well, you'd start with—" Before he can continue, Kasuka's lips are on his and his fingers are slipping under Izaya's shirt, sending tingling sensations up Izaya's spine. Izaya loves this feeling; he loves to feel the arousal slowly creep into his system, stimulating his nerves. This almost sluggish pace feels so _good_.

"_That_," Izaya finally is allowed to finish as they break apart. Izaya exhales shakily against Kasuka's mouth. "I think you've got the seduction down," he murmurs, "Let's practice the other... _fundamentals_ on your _bed_."

Kasuka doesn't give a verbal reply but, if the mouth biting and sucking at Izaya's neck – that's _definitely_ going to leave a mark – is any indication, he clearly agrees.

* * *

_Oh man, this is_ beyond_ late... I'm sorry. Essays. Tests. Homework. Extracurricular work. School. Yeah, I'm dying. Slowly. I'm so sorry._


	12. 12: Selfless

**12: Selfless**

The first time that he and Izaya had done this, Kasuka had been fully aware. That isn't to say that Izaya knew that he knew though. As intelligent as Izaya is, he is not all-knowing.

But Kasuka didn't tell Izaya. Why would he tell Izaya that he knew that he _knew_ – all along – that he was in love with Shizuo?

It's just that Izaya feels so _good_ beneath him – especially when he bucks his hips as he tries to meet Kasuka's rhythm thrust for thrust – and that he sounds so _good_ when he's writhing and moaning for more.

It's beyond his comprehension that anyone could ever _truly_ hate Izaya – at least, not like his brother does. How can anyone see a heart in such a decrepit state and not want to take it into their hands and heal it? How can anyone see that delicate, broken, _defiant_ beauty that is Izaya and Izaya alone and not instantly fall in love? Kasuka wonders if it's only his eyes – so accustomed to finding hidden secrets and delving into a person's mind – that can peel off Izaya's mask of superficial perfection and see the heart that lies within.

That isn't to say that Kasuka can see and understand _everything_ that is Izaya because Kasuka isn't all-knowing either. But he'd like to say that he can understand _most_ of him because that's all he really needs to understand. Besides, what's the fun of love without surprises? But that's probably another thing he loves about Izaya; he never ceases to be able to surprise him.

If Kasuka were to use one word to describe Izaya, it would be that he is an enigma – an anomaly in Ikebukuro, just like his brother. And Kasuka is in love with that anomaly.

Yes, Kasuka is unafraid to admit that he is inexplicably attracted to Izaya – to everything that is, simply, _Izaya_.

This isn't to say that Kasuka is a completely selfless being because he _does_ want Izaya for himself. Sometimes, Kasuka is a little more selfish than he would care to admit. But being selfless doesn't mean not wanting Izaya for himself, no... Being selfless means knowing when to give up Izaya for _Izaya's_ happiness.

Now is one of those times.

The way Izaya is looking at him is telling him that it's all over and down the drain – that everything Kasuka's done for him has not been enough to win him over; Kasuka is still in second place. He's known from the start – even though Izaya has never wanted him to know (for his own good, he often thinks) and even though he's never told Izaya that he's known all along.

Izaya's breathing is laboured and his eyes are restless. "I can't do this anymore," he says. This is the first – and only – time that Izaya has denied Kasuka; it's the only time. Kasuka really can't blame him, but Izaya feels that it's entirely his fault – which is why he's going to cut it off here.

Kasuka doesn't need to hear an "I don't love you" because he can see it in Izaya's shaking hands; his vision blurs because he's known all along – he's not crying.

"We entered this relationship because it could benefit both of us," Kasuka states, succinctly summing up what he'd originally proposed when he had first asked for Izaya to be... there really isn't a word to describe what he'd asked Izaya to be.

But Kasuka knows more than he lets on and he knows that Izaya knows that Kasuka is lying. As good of an actor as Kasuka may be, lying to the one you love is always hard – and that's exactly what Izaya is counting on.

Izaya had never meant for Kasuka to fall in love with him – though he doesn't know that, before Kasuka had even proposed such a deal, he had already fallen unfalteringly in love with him. Kasuka figures that Izaya doesn't need to know – especially not now.

Kasuka says nothing even as he watches Izaya tremble; it's so strange to see Izaya afraid to such a point. "Don't make me say it." Izaya is breathless so his voice only comes across as a bare hiss.

This is the breaking point, Kasuka thinks. This is where he is supposed to tell Izaya that he's loved him all along and— But he honestly cannot bring himself to do such a thing.

Because he's selfish.

Kasuka doesn't feel that _now_ is the time to tell Izaya that he's already a hopeless case; he doesn't feel like cutting his losses just yet.

Lying is hard but, because he's such a selfish person, leaving Izaya is so much harder – harder than he had ever meant it to be.

Kasuka contemplates the fact that he may have fallen harder for Izaya after their... _distorted_ relationship began, strange as that may seem. It might very well be true. This, in and of itself, is almost enough to make Kasuka laugh; but Kasuka never laughs, so he doesn't.

"You don't need to love me," Kasuka tells Izaya; he has conveniently left out the "even though I love you" part because it's not what Izaya wants to hear – should they wish to continue this... _deal_.

Izaya doesn't even point out that Kasuka can't possibly be telling the truth because his mind has already moved onto something else – a fact he find most pertinent and in need of being discussed; Kasuka thinks otherwise. "Why would you do this to yourself?" He doesn't say that he – despite Kasuka's need to hide it – already knows of Kasuka's feelings.

Kasuka feels no need to point out that this pain is only a bittersweet sting in comparison to not having Izaya. And after having experienced all that Izaya is – as a lover; there, he's finally said the word... if only to himself – he can't just _let go_. If only it was that easy.

The two sit in silence because there really isn't anything that can be said.

Thoughts are thrown back and forth in Kasuka's mind – one is that Izaya is more honest in his actions than in his words; more honest than he thinks he is. Kasuka isn't sure why it is that he can read the quivering in Izaya's lower lip and his glassy, shimmering eyes so well; it may only be obvious to him because he is a natural actor too – Kasuka has always thought that Izaya is the most brilliant actor he has ever met – but the point is that he can see it.

Kasuka has never been good with words but, for Izaya's sake – for his own selfish reasons – he will try.

"Eternity," he says, startling Izaya because it's so abrupt – and because seeing such _vivid determination_ in Kasuka's eyes both terrifies and inspires Izaya.

"Eternity?" Izaya mimicks weakly; he is questioning what Kasuka means by such a word because it is a word that Izaya hates to use – to him, eternity doesn't exist because _all things have an end_. Izaya mulls over the word for a second longer, wondering if Kasuka is saying it because he knows of Izaya's beliefs – he wonders if Kasuka is mocking him or if it's because... he knows that _this_ is the end; that there will be no eternity.

But his words surprise Izaya. "That's how long I will love you." It is the first time that Kasuka has ever used that word in regards to him; it doesn't quite register with Izaya. "That's also how long I can – and _will_ – wait."

Why is it that when Kasuka speaks that he sounds so _truthful?_

So honest that, for once, Izaya is willing to believe in eternity.

Kasuka gets up to leave because he knows that Izaya doesn't need to be comforted beyond this point – that Izaya doesn't trust him enough to reveal his broken self (though Kasuka, really, has already seen through his facades) to Kasuka. He's okay with that because, like he said, he can wait.

This is also why Kasuka is so shocked when Izaya asks him to stay, grabbing the end of his sleeve.

Kasuka doesn't question it because he already knows; his calculating mind has already deciphered and decoded the reasons, putting two and two together. But even that is unnecessary.

He doesn't tell Izaya to trust him because he doesn't feel that it's his place to say such a thing.

"Just... _stay_," Izaya says to Kasuka, eyes pleading, "Stay here with me... _Kasuka_…" For once, he's dropped the "-kun" and that strikes Kasuka as strange but he says nothing; this level of intimacy... he feels undeserving of it but he doesn't _mind_.

What Izaya doesn't say is the most important, Kasuka finds, because he knows that Izaya means to say that, should Kasuka stay with him, he'll find a way to believe in eternity.

"I love you," Kasuka repeats, cradling Izaya's head in his lap even as he watches him fall asleep. He knows that Izaya hasn't heard him this time – nor has he the first time, really – but... Well, he'll just have to wait until another time to tell Izaya this; hopefully, this time, Izaya will be readier to hear it.

When the second time comes, he's certain that Izaya will be able to accept it.

* * *

_I had twenty-two parts of this written... why did I only have eleven posted? _


End file.
